While you know that all men do it, you can't help but wonder if there is something amiss in your sex life? Or is your husband just a pervert?
"Watching pornographic films is an absolutely normal behaviour. It is infact a great sex tonic for both men and women, which can be had at no cost at all," says Mumbai-based Sexologist Dr. Prakash Kothari.
Why is Porn So Popular with Men?
Psychiatrist Dr. Dayal Mirchandani explains, "When it comes to sex, men and women are wired differently. Women prefer more of fantasising, whereas men prefer visuals to arouse themselves."
This is not to say that women don't enjoy porn. However, the inclination towards it is less.
Men usually resort to watching porn;
- Out of curiosity.
- To get aroused.
- To experiment and learn.
- To relieve themselves of any unmet sexual urges through masturbation.
When Porn Becomes a Pain
Pornography if not viewed in a healthy manner can wreak havoc in a relationship.
Many women feel insecure about their husband's porn watching habits because;
- The women in the porn make them feel comparatively unattractive.
- They feel insecure about the fact that their hubby's need porn and fantasies to climax or feel fully satisfied.
- There is an innate fear that this might lead a man to cheat.
It's All in the Mind
According to Dr. Mirchandani, "It is all in the minds of the women. Watching porn is in no way an indication of an unhappening sex life. It is infact all about sexual fantasy for men and not a day-to-day reality."
Dealing with the Feminist
The next time you brandish your feminist agenda against porn movies, here's what you can do.
- Talk it out. Speak to your hubby about your insecurities and understand why he is watching it.
- Spice it up. Spruce up your look and your act. Make him feel wanted and be willing to experiment.
- Find out. Sometimes the best bet is to find it out what the facination is for yourself. Watch a movie alone.
What Can the Men Do
Make your wife feel like you desire her. That will make her less threatened by the women in the porn movies.
Try to view it with your wife. Make her comfortable with the idea of watching porn.
Just have an honest and open conversation. If your wife is totally averse to the idea, do not force her to follow suit. Respect her wishes but delineate your space clearly too.
Porn Persuasion
"Indulging in pornography is fine as long as the person has a sound sex education," says Dr. Kothari. Ignorance can be bliss but a disaster for your sex life.
"For example, if a guy sees the men in porn films with big assets, he could develop an inferiority complex," informs Dr. Kothari.
Also, if it becomes a fetish or an addiction be sure to get help. "A porn addiction to the point of abstaining from sex can amount to mental cruelty, which is a ground for divorce according to the Indian Marriage Act," informs Mumbai High Court Lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh.
Signs of Worry
You know that your partner has a problem if;
- His porn viewing comes in the way of his social life.
- He needs to have his daily dose of porn movies.
- He is not interested in having sex and would rather spend time watching blue films.
- He wants to try or experiment every move in the film and forces his fantasies on you.
- He has a fetish for gay porn or child porn.
There are lot of couples who start uneasy about watching porn movies but eventually make a fun, healthy place for it in their life.
However, if you are in a relationship where one person feels offended or threatened or unhappy, then have an open conversation about how you both feel and what compromises can you reach.
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